I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
