You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Blood and glitter go together right?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
