I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
