absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
