ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
