Cold hands, warm shart.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
