Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
