evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
