When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Found your dick twin last night
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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