I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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