My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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