i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
