New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
