She said her name was "party"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
