I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
