fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
