this just has baby written all over it
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
