I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
