i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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