it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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