In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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