dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
