you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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