Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
vagina is talking i cant
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
