He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
