If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
