I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
