No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
