Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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