you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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