Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
