Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
