the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
