I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
