you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Randomize
