I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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