he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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