dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
