it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
