This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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