if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
