They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
