Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just invented taco cereal.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
