So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
