I think my fart just growled at me.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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