so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Randomize
