I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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