i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I need a beard to bite.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
