i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
