don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
