I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
