bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
