I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
