i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
