Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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