After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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