My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
