So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
