I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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