at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
