He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's blow job season.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
