rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
