so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
