I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
