just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
