he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
