I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
