I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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