You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
