Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
