ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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