Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
