I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
